It's Not That Deep

In this episode we discuss why we don't like endings and yet life’s full of endings. Whether it’s moving to a new place, switching jobs, or something much heavier like the end of a relationship or losing someone close to us. And yet, it feels like we’re not always great at dealing with them. We tend to push those feelings aside or beat ourselves up for feeling upset when it seems like everyone else is handling things better.But what if we let ourselves truly feel what we're feeling? What if we gave ourselves the time and space to accept those emotions instead of trying to push them away? Until we do that, it’s tough to process what we’re losing and figure out where we’re headed. It’s totally okay to grieve an ending, no matter how big or small the change might be.Adrienne and Lucy can be contacted via their websiteswww.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

This was a really interesting discussion about why we set ourselves unrealistic expectations. We explored the impact of social media, advertising, and cultural beliefs about what we need to do or be to be accepted. This can feed a belief that we are not good enough without being ‘perfect’ and of course we can’t live up to the expectations of being perfect.We discussed how we might instead treat ourselves with kindness and perhaps base our expectations of ourselves on our core values rather than externally-imposed beliefs about what we should look like or achieve.Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

In this episode we agreed that we both share the desire to save others from distress or upset. It’s a very human quality but can lead to feelings of overwhelm, or of being taken for granted. It also means that, rather than teaching someone how to solve things for themselves, we inadvertently create an inability to manage their own situation in the other person.Within relationships rescuing may be seen as an expression of a fear that the other person will leave us if we don’t provide help and support. And parents want to protect their children from any hurt or upset, so try and smooth their path through life. However, making mistakes is one of the most effective ways we have of learning.We discussed how boundaries can be really helpful – teaching others how to treat us and teaching us how to respect ourselves.Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

This episode is a very personal one. We discuss why, at times, we aren’t able to support ourselves in the ways we would suggest for our clients. We explore what happens when our emotional resources are low, and the ‘inner critic’ is loud in our head, which tries to get us to think we aren't worth the effort. If we can take a step back, zoom out, and put a metaphorical arm around our shoulders, treat ourselves as we would treat a friend then we can start to use the techniques that make up our parachutes. Perhaps the most important tool in our box being the act of self-compassion. We are only human after all.Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

In this episode we discuss how difficult it can be to let go of something we regret like and forgive ourselves for it. We often set ourselves standards that are impossible to live up to; and that we have a tendency to dwell on mistakes, which leads to a sense of guilt and shame.It is also hard and extremely uncomfortable to process our mistakes; to make sense of them and find the learning. So we lean into self-blame and criticism instead which might stem from the brain trying to find a solution. The more helpful way, though, is to find the learning, to see mistakes as a chance for change and growth. And to do that, we need to be able to look at the situation and in a kindly way explore what happened and why. How would we respond if a friend had made a mistake, most likely not in the way we generally treat ourselves!Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

It’s a surprise (to us at least!) that we haven’t covered this topic before now. Anxiety has come up in lots of our podcasts, but this is the first time it’s been the main subject of one.In this episode we discuss the evolutionary need for anxiety, and how we experience it now, in our modern (challenging!) world. We talk about top-down and bottom-up ways of managing it and how we can learn to recognise the signs in our body that we are getting anxious. We explore strategies that can support us when we do start to get anxious so that we are not ruled by it.Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

In this episode we explore the sense we may have about not fitting in, not being like everyone else. We do, though, tend to judge ourselves on how we feel, and others on how they seem to be behaving, and those two things are not the same.We touch on people getting a diagnosis of a neurodivergence, and how that can help to explain why we don’t feel ‘normal’. No-one can be completely average, therefore we all ‘deviate’ from some perceived "ideal". And can we be OK with that? After all, the variations between us are natural and all part of being human.Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)

This is another wide-ranging discussion, where this time we touch on some of the neuroscience behind why it feels to bad to lose; as well as exploring a range of situations that we might see as ‘losing’.We talk about playing games or sports (Jimmy Conners, the tennis ace once said that he hated losing more than he loved winning!) as well as the losing we experience if the team we support loses, or even if the political party we support doesn’t win in an election.We explore the sense of defining ourselves by our wins or loses, or those we support. And we discuss the possibility of unhooking ourselves from association, to experience success and loss as simply part of living, not something that says anything very important about us.Lucy and Adrienne can be contacted through their websites:www.presenceofmind.life (Lucy)www.adriennekirk.uk (Adrienne)